He gone and done it

I've looked everywhere....and I mean everywhere (except for inside the heater vents, but let's be reasonable folks).  It wasn't thrown away, it's not in the fridge, and it's not that thumping I hear with every rotation in my dryer. 

I officially cannot find the remote control for my television.  It's disappeared and it has been gone for 2 weeks now and the only rational thought is that my Friday Night stole it!  It was there at midnight but not at six in the morning.  That leads to only one possibility.

He stole it!  Yep,  I really do think he stole it.  Who you ask?  My date!!  The guy I selected to watch a movie on the couch with.  He stole my remote!  Now as one person pointed out to me this is preposterous but I've been dating long enough to know that nothing would surprise me.  Could this be weirdo # 237 who  obviously is a clepto.  Please get your mind out of the gutter.  This movie watching was completely innocent.  Nothing was being thrown across the room and if it had I think I would have heard the remote crash against the wall.

I don't understand.  Does he have my same television?  Is he trying to push my buttons (no pun intended here but I'll laugh anyway)? Is this the lamest attempt to make me burn more calories?  Apparently I need to up my criteria for Friday Nights. 

And If he, weirdo # 237, would want a second chance?  He would thoughtfully go out and buy me a new one to redeem himself.  That would make a girls heart melt and he easily would beforgiven.  And Please.....make sure it's the the Logitech Universal Remote listed here.  Maybe things would be flying across of the room.